Strange how my heart beats
To find myself upon your shore.
Strange how I still feel
My loss of comfort gone before.
Cool waves wash over
And drift away with dreams of youth
So time is stolen
I cannot hold you long enough.
My friend who OD’d died a couple of nights ago. I just can’t fucking believe it. I somehow, somewhere, thought we were just having a “bit of fun”. How naive was I. I found this post I made 4 months ago:
3:45 am: I arrived at my friend-slash-dealer’s house and he was crushing up some raw H on a plate. He cut it into lines and held the plate under my nose so I could try it, then did the same for his girlfriend and another friend of ours that was there doing business. Within a few minutes, we were all nodding a bit. The four of us ended up drinking tea and talking until 8 in the morning, which I thought to be quite genteel for a bunch of people who had to keep taking hits of tweak to keep from falling out on the heroin he’d supplied. All in all a pleasant evening, although the H turned out to be a bit too fire for me - I ended up throwing up my tea later on when I got home. Oh well, I figure, who hasn’t had to puke after a night out of, say, drinking - and that’s not even against the law? Who should have the right to tell me I can’t sit in a room and talk quietly while drinking tea with my friends, just because we happen to be ingesting illegal drugs at the same time? No one, that’s who. My body, my choice.
This was from a really lovely evening I spent with my friend who died (Tim), and our dealer/dealer’s girlfriend. How could I have known that heroin (and coke) would kill him 4 months later. I mean, we weren’t using needles that night - I’ll admit I’ve tried IV drug use before but it wasn’t my thing - and I understand that it’s a lot easier to OD when you’re shooting up, but I suppose one could OD from snorting too much really fire H. I’ve had times when it’s been so strong that I’ve passed out, I suppose one could stop breathing in that situation if they’d done enough shit to depress their respiratory system severely. Anyway it was the same substance we were doing that would eventually bring his death. And how many other nights have I sat there snorting my shit while watching him boot up his? Many.
Anyway I just can’t get that night out of my head. It was just such a pleasant “vibe”, the atmosphere was relaxed and calm and jovial and sharing, almost as if we were on E or something instead of snorting heroin and meth.
I still believe in the rights of consenting adults to ingest substances that happen to be illegal and dangerous. I’ve just learned the really hard way that along with the right to abuse your own body comes the “right” to kill yourself sometimes.
I’m so sad tonight.
RIP Tim V, 1975 ~ 2014
Tomorrow will be 30 days without tweak. I’m proud of myself although it’s been really hard at times.
On a tragic note, a good friend of mine OD’d on a speedball (shot of cocaine & heroin) last week and he’s in a coma and not expected to live. I used to use with this guy sometimes and he’s just really nice and fun to be around. Now he’s probably going to die from drugs. Shit just got real, I guess.
I love you, Tim.
I decided I’m giving up the tweak. It’s been 16 days. I feel glad about my choice, but still tired and “antsy”/nervous a lot. Send me positive vibes, I need them. Love you guys!!
Disabled Young Adult Seeking Help!
I’m 23, disabled, homeless, and I desperately need help to pay for my medication that is running out this week.My name’s Shayne (Shay). I’m trans*/non-binary, disabled, have zero income/financial support, a service animal, and I have no place to live right now.
I suffer from a number of disorders and syndromes including:
• Ehler-danlos syndrome
• cold urticaria
• adrenal insufficiency
• Hashimoto’s thyroiditis
• postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome
• poly cystic ovarian syndrome
• neuropathy nos
• major depressive disorder
I’m largely immobile and cannot work. Neither one of my biological family’s homes are a safe place for me to go. This is for a multitude of reasons.
I was promised to receive my share of an apartment deposit (total was $800) from my ex. Along with the payment for a parking ticket ($100) on my father’s car that they had gotten.
I was kind enough to understand financial stress and allow spread out payments.
When I had found out that they had been lying/cheating all 2.3 years we’d been together, they decided that “I didn’t deserve it anymore.” In addition to losing that money, I lost them and their family as my only support system.
I have no money apart from some pocket change. I’m currently living in a motel paid for by Salvation Army until Tuesday morning, and after that my service cat and I only have my car to live in.
Being in Wisconsin and sleeping in my car is dangerous because of the cold. Worse yet, something in my car is misfiring, meaning that until I can get it fixed with an electrical tuneup ($300 estimated), it’s practically useless and even more dangerous to live in.
To give you an idea of my expenses: my anxiety meds cost $1 flat through DHS, which is a blessing, but my pain medication is extremely important for me to have and runs around $89. My total cost of medications per month is around $175 and total cost of living is about $300, not including rent or personal items.
I’m asking Tumblr for help because I don’t know what to do until my disability determination is made, and that could take a very long time.
I thankfully have food stamps, but I need to find a way to keep paying for a place to stay that’s heated and safe, and most importantly, my medication. These past months have been extremely difficult and I need help.
I have a few friends from college willing to take my service animal and I in, but this would require my car fixed and all medications sorted out as they live across the country.
I’m willing to show my medical record, prove of income, anything to prove that this is genuine.
If you’re able to donate to help me, please, please message me.
I can now take PayPal donations:
Directly on the Donation Page
Or send it to
Any help is appreciated so much and once I am able to feel like I am in a safe and healthy environment; I am confident that I can win the fight against these illnesses. I promise that whatever happens; I will spend my time creating some sort of non-profit with the goal of helping young adults in similar situations.
Thank you again,
I’m running our of meds starting the day after tomorrow. Please anyone….
Signal boost. Followers, please donate if you can, and signal boost!
-Dany (who wishes with all her heart that she could donate and will pray for OP)
If things are not as you wish, wish them as they are.